July 3, 2004 Issue #7

IN THIS ISSUE...

1) Welcome!
2) My Playground
3) Check it Out
4) Giggles & Guffaws
5) Ways to Play Today!
6) Random Musings
7) Something to ponder
8) Shameless Promotional Plug

A playful welcome to my new subscribers!
This *free* monthly newsletter is written with the intention to help you live life with more fun and joy and less stress and worry. With informative articles, humorous insights and great resources, "Lighten Up!" is guaranteed to provide you a motivational kick in the butt while giving you a giggle or two along the way.

Whoohoo! It's 4th of July weekend. Even though this national holiday isn't my most favorite one to celebrate (it's Thanksgiving), I always get excited this time of year. To be honest, it's not because I'm overjoyed with celebrating our country's independence (although it is a very good thing to be grateful for). The real reason I'm thrilled to have an extra day off in July is because it's time to float the river! Imagine a warm sunny day, a big rubber raft, and a few of your closest pals. Then toss in a few of your favorite cold beverages, a big bag of chips, some sunscreen and you have a recipe for aqua bliss. Once the raft is in the water, the river soon becomes your very best friend because for the next three hours it takes you on a lovely journey where there's nothing to do but float, soak up some sunshine and relax. Whatever your plans are for this weekend, have a fun and safe holiday. May you and your friends have a grand time playing together and may all of those colorful and noisy doodads you spent a mint on actually work.

My Playground
The article, the message, the thing to make you go hmmm...

~Deep Listening~

A few weeks ago as I ran through the woods near my home, I suddenly became very aware of all the thoughts that seemed to be running a race of their own through my head. I wish I could tell you those thoughts were all warm and wonderful, but apparently the only frequency I could tune in to, deep in those woods, were the nasty, self-doubting kind. Ever wish you could just tell that little voice of yours to pipe down on the negative noise and turn up the volume on the things you really want to listen to? After a 1/2 mile or so (which for me was about 4 minutes of non-stop chatter) I got tired of listening to that nonsense and decided to tune in to what nature had to tell me.

I'll describe what I discovered in a second, but within minutes of choosing to listen to what surrounded me rather than what was going on inside me, not only did my disposition change, but my body did as well. I felt lighter, breathed more easily and ran with greater ease. And then here's what else happened...my thoughts changed too. No longer was I mulling over the day's events with a tortured look on my face, but I began thinking about chapter titles for my book. Of course, these were much more pleasant thoughts to ponder than the previous ones. The truth is...what we think about has a huge effect on how we feel.

I had you imagine earlier a raft trip down the river. Now, I want you to imagine for a moment a lovely dirt trail that meanders through the woods. The sun casts warm rays of light through the trees. The temperature is perfect for an early evening run. So, here I am huffing and puffing my way down the trail when all the sudden I begin to ask myself the question, "What do you really hear?" And then it happened...first I heard the birds tweeting happily away in the trees. And then I asked the question again and I heard the nearby creek gurgling merrily over the rocks. And then I asked the question again and when I didn't get an immediate answer, I figured there probably wasn't anything else to listen for. I kept running and decided to ask the question again just for fun and then I heard my footsteps on the trail. Ever the Doubting Thomas, just when I thought there was nothing else, I heard sounds of air rushing over my ears. And then, without even asking the question, (and I have to admit this absolutely floored me), I finally tuned in and heard the sound of my own labored breathing.

You might be wondering what the point is of me telling you the tale of my run. Yes, it's wonderful to run through the woods. Yes, I encourage you to exercise and spend time in nature. And yes, I suggest you try this little listening experiment for yourself sometime. Here's what I'm really getting at though. Deep listening is not something we're automatically born with, it's a learned skill. A lot of the time, we're listening at a level where we're tuning in to only those things we want to hear, rather than really getting what the other person is saying. The truth is...we can listen at a much deeper level when we get our own stuff out of the way.

Consider these questions for a bit and then check out the suggestions how to listen more deeply. When was the last time you really tuned in and listened to someone? When was the last time you really felt you were listened to? Are you tuning in to others or are you tuning them out?

5 Ways To Know You're Tuning In

1) You have a general interest in what the other person is saying.
You're more interested in what's being said by another rather than what you can add to the conversation. You validate what you're hearing by asking questions on what you've just heard.

2) You listen for what's not being said.
You pay attention to other things other than the words. You notice pauses, tones, speed and volume. You ask questions about these things as well.

3) You maintain eye contact and give non-verbal cues.
Head nods, short verbal affirmative statements and sustained eye contact are amazing ways to let people know you're interested to know even more than what they're telling you.

4) You listen from that person's perspective, not yours.
You let go of your judgments, beliefs and opinions and experience THEIR experience rather than your own.

5) You're not thinking about you, you're totally into them.
You're not thinking how you feel about what they're saying or how you're going to respond. You remain open and curious to what they might say next. At the deepest form of listening, you don't exist, just the person you're listening to.

If you really want to connect with another human being, deep listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give a person. It takes effort on your part to let your own thoughts and needs go. It takes practice to allow others to speak. A few years ago, I came across a quote that said, "In silence I see, with wisdom I speak." I truly believe we learn more through listening than talking. When we listen deeply to another person, we are given an incredible opportunity to gain amazing wisdom not only from them, but from ourselves. It's easy to let our thoughts get the best of us in conversation with another and within our own heads. I suggest you take time every day to tune in and listen deeply. As for me, I'm off for another run in the woods.

Check it Out
Personal Recommendations for books, music, websites and all resources fun!

Planet Sark Yippee! I've recommend this author's website in a previous newsletter, but I have to scream and shout and make a very big deal out of her work again because she's redone her website recently and it's sooo much fun! In addition to juicing up her website, giving it a new name and adding more inspirational material, she's just published her 13th book called "Making Your Creative Dreams Real" and its powerful message will remind you of your own dreams and inspire you to get going on them. I've only read up to the fourth chapter, but already it's kicked my butt (in very motivating ways, of course) many times. Be sure to save yourself a good chunk of time when you first visit because it will be hard to pull yourself away.

The Joshua Tree by U2
This c.d. is one of my all-time favorites and because I've been listening to it in my car recently, I'm recommending you to get out your copy and play the songs you love the most over and over again. All of the songs are amazing in their own right, but for me, the first track on the album, "Where the Streets Have No Name" has always been an incredible reminder of how I want to live my life and greet my death. If for some reason you do not have this c.d. or if you've somehow checked yourself out of the mainstream music world the past 20 years and you don't know of this band (I have to admit I would question whether or not you've been living on this planet if you've never heard of them) go to your local music store and purchase it TODAY. Then, get in your car, turn up the volume and tune in to your favorite track. Just make sure your car has come to a complete stop before you close your eyes and let the music carry you away.

Giggles & Guffaws
An amusing story, joke, anecdote or picture to tickle your funnybone

I've been dating a man the past few months who's from New Zealand. Despite living in the United States for several years, he's maintained his South Pacific accent, which is both lovely and frustrating at times. We've had ourselves some good giggles when there have been lapses in our communication because I couldn't quite get what he said. A few weeks ago, I spoke with one of his friends in New Zealand who has a similar accent and the disconnect we had between us had me chortling and snorting for several minutes. In addition to the unfamiliar accent, understanding each other was made more difficult given the fact that our conversation occurred while I was on a cell phone traveling in a car on a noisy road.

I asked Brian, "If there was any place in the world you'd like to travel to, where would you go?" He answered, "I hear the Grand Canyon is beautiful and it would be great to visit there someday." I mention I've been there, make some comment on its vastness and say something like the pictures of this place really don't do it any justice and then I hear him say, "I've heard though they've had problems in the past with the beer. Is that still a problem?" I shake my head as I'm not quite sure what I just heard and then I start to giggle quite uncontrollably when I realize he's referring to " the bear", as in the big, brown animal that has tendencies to roam through our national parks rather than the liquid stuff Oregonians tend to consume in mass quantities. As I calmed myself down, I could imagine Brian shaking his head wondering why his friend is dating a silly American girl who doesn't seem to listen well and has a strange accent of her own.

Ways to Play Today!

Why not...give an unexpected compliment to someone every day?
You know how good it feels when you receive an unsolicited compliment, so why not make it a daily habit of dishing one out? It's easy to notice and make mention of a change in hairstyle or a new article of clothing, but what if you were to take your complimenting to a deeper level? Why not truly touch another's soul by commenting on something he or she was completely unaware of? For example, as I was on a run the other morning, I passed by a woman who said to me as I ran past her, "Your ponytail swings wonderfully when you run." At first I couldn't quite make out what she had said, but when I got it after a few moments, I giggled with glee because it's not every day that someone notices the beauty of a swinging ponytail. Compliment on the unique rather than the obvious. Of course, you always want your compliment to be sincere, but when you've taken the time to comment on something that's not expected, you're bound to get some interesting reactions. Yes, it's always wonderful to get a compliment, but begin to notice how good YOU feel after you've given one and seen the extreme expression of delight take place in another. By the way, you have amazingly good taste in that you chose to subscribe and read through this newsletter.

Why not...celebrate the holiday by wearing only red, white and blue?
Dig into the recesses of your closet and find something outrageously patriotic and wear it on Sunday. Dazzle your friends and family members when you show up to the picnic or barbeque adorned with your best 4th of July attire. To complete your holiday ensemble, make sure to pick up some sparklers on your way to the party. Enter the scene with the sparklers alit while singing "God Bless America" or the "Star Spangled Banner". With this type of entrance, it doesn't matter if no one raves about your famous potato salad, with the wardrobe you've got on, you're sure to be one of the highlights of the holiday.

Random Musings
Miscellaneous thoughts of mine with hints of truth and wisdom

Incredible beauty can be found in listening to stillness.

My cat purrs louder than my inner voice sometimes. I'm thinking he should sleep on my head more often.

It takes more energy to talk than to listen. Conserve your energy today.

Something to Ponder
Questions designed to stimulate your thinking AND encourage you to take action towards what you want.

Who have you been unwilling to really listen to in your life?
What will it take from you to be open and curious to listening to that person?What wisdom of your own do you want to deeply listen to?

Care to share what these questions stir up in you? Need some support around listening at a deeper level? Send me an e-mail. I welcome your thoughts and will respond to all e-mails received.

Shameless Promotional Plug
Well...sort of.

I'm curious to know your thoughts about my newsletter. What do you enjoy about Lighten Up? Is there something you’d like to see added? I'd love to really listen to your comments and suggestions (compliments, too!) and give you, my subscribers, more of what you want to read in this newsletter. Don't be shy. Send me an email and let me know how you really feel.

If you want to find out more about the work I do as a coach, facilitator and writer check out Playful Spirit Make sure you come back and visit again as more resources and fun stuff will be added to the website every month.

By the way, I failed miserably last month when I tried to take my own playful suggestion and get rid of a bad habit. I didn't even last a day when it came to not popping my knuckles. I'm not proud to say I wasn't able to follow my own advice. I'll admit it; I'm a finger-cracking fool. If anyone knows of a 12-step program for this type of ailment, I'm open to your suggestions.

Thanks for reading this issue of Lighten Up! If you enjoyed it, please pass it along to your friends, your family, your co-workers...You get the idea. See you next month! Until that time, be well, be happy and play more.